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7 Tips for Dealing with a Jealous Spouse or Boy/Girlfriend?

by | Sep 14, 2009 | Relationship Languages | 0 comments

Rihanna With Chris Brown (Explored)
Image by Express Monorail via Flickr

First, let’s review the dictionary definition of jealousy:

  1. Feeling resentment against someone because of that person’s rivalry, success, or advantages (often fol. by of): He was jealous of his rich brother.
  2. Feeling resentment because of another’s success, advantage, etc. (often fol. by of): He was jealous of his brother’s wealth.
  3. Characterized by or proceeding from suspicious fears or envious resentment: a jealous rage; jealous intrigues.
  4. Inclined to or troubled by suspicions of rivalry, unfaithfulness, etc., as in a jealous husband.
  5. Solicitous or vigilant in maintaining or guarding something.

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Here are the 7 Tips:

  1. Jealousy is an issue for the person who is jealous, not the person receiving the jealous behavior as indicated in the definitions above.  This means that the jealousy directed at you is  not about you!  It was there way before you.
  2. If you have been unfaithful or play games to make someone else jealous, then you are the one with the issue.
  3. Harboring guilt or feeling that you are at fault if #2 is not true is unnecessary because the one who is jealous is the one who has created the need to be jealous.
  4. Adjusting your behavior or changing who you are to make someone who is jealous feel better does not resolve the jealous behavior.  The jealous behavior will usually continue or will show up in other areas.
  5. You cannot fix the jealous behavior if you are not the one who is jealous.  The person who is jealous has to do their own inner work to move forward in their lives.
  6. Jealousy can and does result in rage or anger, quite often directed at you.  Maybe that is why Chris Brown went ballistic.  Jealous rage takes over an individual’s sanity.  Again, it is not about you but is directed at you.  If you are in a jealous rage/anger situation – the best thing for you to do is be silent and remove yourself from the situation rather than defending your position or arguing back.
  7. DO NOT attempt to resolve jealousy issues on your own.  And definitely DO NOT attempt to fix another person’s jealousy issues.    That just escalates the situation and you are not trained in how to uncover the drive behind the jealous behavior nor are you trained in how to cause healing in the jealous person.

Hire a professional counselor or Coach to help you move forward as a Jealous person OR as a person who is in a relationship with a Jealous person.

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Hi, I’m Dr. Dar…

If I could share just one thing with you today, let it be this: you have the power to shape your relationship into what you want it to be.

I am Dar, the Relationship Healer. I help couples to solve the communication and relationship issues that could potentially tear them apart. 

Until I started on the coaching path that led to my formulation of the Relationship Languages, most of the problems in my life had been due to problematic relationships… relationships where I felt unable to communicate, where I was not being heard, where I was not feeling understood. 

I have learned that, to create happy, healthy, and harmonious relationships even when you have differences, you have to learn how to give and receive communication in a healthy way. You have to feel safe expressing how you feel and what you need. 

That’s the beauty of the Relationship Languages. Once understood, they are the key to safe, curious communication. 

I’m here to help you on your journey to understanding and being understood. 

From my heart to yours,
Dr.
Dar

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