For me to weigh in on Johnny Depp and Amber Heard’s relationship and the ending of it.
This will be… brief… and to the point…
I’ve waited as I wanted to get a sense of all the opinions flying around… and there are oh so many.
The tendency to take sides… Johnny’s or Amber’s was prevalent.
What was missing… for me…
Was, who is on the side of the relationship? Whether it was healthy or not?
I had to put aside my love of Johnny Depp’s movies… and put on the hat of The Relationship Fixer… to watch the trial and observe their relationship previously and during.
It is clear the relationship was not a healthy one… with mutual respect, trust, love, compassion, understanding…
I saw a man extremely distraught… and a woman who is desperate for attention, and perhaps love.
I saw disrespectful behaviors and heard dishonoring words uttered.
I heard manipulative desperation in some of the recordings… and a defensive person… who also was trying to get away from the intensity and uncontrollable anger.
I saw an unhealthy, toxic relationship between two unhealed people with relationship related trauma.
And… a person who wanted to restore their integrity, and one who wanted to prove they were right and have the last word.
Both are trained actors, one better than the other tbh.
The authenticity can be felt, seen, and heard… or the lack of it too.
I am not here to judge. The judge is already in place in the court and I look forward to hearing their ruling.
I am for… the health of the relationship… and the sanctity, health, and well being of the individuals in the relationship.
It is clear… to me… there was a lack of this stand… for them individually and in the relationship.
With what little I heard and saw… in a small snippet of time… in the form of a trial where one person is the accuser and consequently the staunch defender of their position and the other is a defender and on the defensive… I cannot judge anything about the entire relationship. What I can see is that the position of defense and offense played out for me, clearly, throughout the trial.
Taking sides is a popular and common thing in relationships and for those who come to support the individuals in the relationship… even with licensed professionals who are there to help.
It is easy to take the side of the woman… or the man… and it is never that simple… because a relationship between 2 people really consists of 8 relationships… because all 8 come out to play during a relationship between 2 people:
1) Johnny’s to Amber – now
2) Amber’s to Johnny – now
3) Johnny’s to Amber – past
4) Amber’s to Johnny – past
3) Amber the individual – now
4) Johnny the individual – now
5) The Relationship – Amber to Johnny – the past
6) The Relationship – Johnny to Amber – the past
7) The Relationship – Amber to Johnny – now
6) The Relationship – Johnny to Amber – now
7) Amber – her past
8) Johnny – his past
And it takes evaluating each of these perspectives … that is worth the time and effort in attempting to create a healthy relationship… a stellar one, as I like to call it.
That’s the foundation of the perspectives to be considered when I work with couples. It’s complicated… and it takes unpacking All. Of. It… without defending, fighting, proving, blaming, shaming, accusing, manipulating…
Through facilitated dialogue… to see through the complexity, pain, frustration, anger… to find the ways to create a healthy relationship.
It is too late for this one as too much ick has transpired and sometimes 2 people’s energy just does not bring out the best in each other.
… I rarely ever say it’s too late btw…
I. Am. A. Stand. For. Stellar. Relationships.
Theirs was and is not one.
What’s left… for… me… is being a stand for the health and well being of the individuals.
Disclaimer: I did not watch the entire trial.