Relationship advice I wish someone had told me earlier:

1) There’s no such thing as a normal relationship. The seeking for what’s normal is a social and cultural construct to keep you in scarcity and survival mode.

2) Having a relationship coach during my teen and dating years would have taught me how to have difficult conversations or have deep conversations with my parents, be a stand for myself (wants, dreams, and needs), kept me from making unhealthy choices in friendships, workplaces, and romantic relationships or helped me cope without creating layers and layer of trauma to unravel in my 30’s and 40’s.

3) Popular relationship advice is a societal and capitalistic construct based on everyone being exactly the same or following pre-defined patterns of sameness which also propagates scarcity where being different is a problem to be fixed.

You’re a unique person with your own dreams, needs, and wants. You have your own unique life, family, work, and relationship story. Focus on that, learn and grow from that. And, align yourself with people who have similar experiences as yourself. Not the cultural norm.

4) Stop hiring people who don’t align with your values. You will waste precious time, money, and trauma by ensuring everyone you hire aligns with your values, and understands and honors reciprocity (the balance of giving and taking).

5) The 5 Relationship Languages are what motivates and drives you to behave, think, feel, and response the way you do in your relationships. Had I learned my relationship language of Love and Belonging earlier in life, I would have understood more deeply that at least 4/5’s of the people I encounter will not be compassionate, sensitive, or focused on the well being of others. This would have helped me better relate to them and not take things so personally at work, home, and in romantic relationships. I also would be more curious and accepting of differences.

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