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Reevaluate Your Friendships with these 12 Empowering Questions for People Pleasers

by | Sep 15, 2020 | Relationship Languages

It is Difficult to Reevaluate Your Friendships for Kind, Generous, and Giving People Pleasers

It is challenging to reevaluate your friendships as someone who cares deeply about others, especially our friends and loved ones.  When things change in the relationship, we, the people pleasers, sense when it happened in excruciating detail… tp the point of wondering what we did wrong, or what we could have done differently.

I have found that as I grow and mature, so do my friendships.  That means that friends come into my life and move on so that others can find their way into my life.

As someone who cares deeply about what others think, feel, receive, and experience… a.k.a. a balanced and healthy people pleaser… I used to over analyze my relationships and things that would happen in those relationships.  

And… if a relationship got toxic, confrontational, or disagreements arose… I would have never ending questions about it… followed by criticizing and doubting myself.

I learned that being a people pleaser is not a bad thing… as long as I did not continue over analyzing, beating myself up, or looking for where I was wrong.

Here are 12 questions to help you reevaluate your friendships today.

Re-Evaluating Your Friendships

Instead of leaving this to ‘chance’, I decided to create an intention around my friendship environment.  I sat down and wrote down, with much contemplation, my response to the following questions:

  1. What does friendship mean to me now?
  2. What is no longer aligned with my highest good in this friendship?
  3. What do I want to attract in my friendships now?
  4. What have I not liked or has not been healthy for me in current or prior friendships?
  5. What have I liked or was healthy for me in current or prior friendships?
  6. What do I want in my Friendships now?
  7. What am I willing to be and to give as a friend?
  8. What am I willing to receive in my friendships?
  9. What are my current requirements and values?
  10. Are my requirements and values aligned with those of my friends?
  11. What qualities and values do my friends that naturally bring out the best in me have?
  12. What qualities do my friends have that allow me (and us) to feel comfortable, safe, and open to being true to myself?

The resulting clarity I received by taking a few moments out of my busy life to answer these important questions naturally led to me attracting more of what I want, what is healthy for me, and what has me thrive instead of that which sucked me dry (blunt but true).  I stopped blaming, criticizing, shaming, and making myself wrong because I could clearly see that the relationship had formed an imbalance of mutual fit… and that it was not personal. 

Sure things were done or said that ignited the coming of the end… of that relationship… but it was for good reason… our highest good.  But, it is hard to remember that things happen for a reason… and usually for our own good… even though it feels utterly traumatic, hurtful, and gut wrenching when we are going through a breakup.

When we love someone, or like someone, we commit to them… and we think we have the same commitment.  But do we ever really talk about that commitment upfront or talk about our requirements in our friendships.  It would be weird to do that up front, right?! 

But when things are not going well, that’s when we start thinking through things and having the tough conversations.  Or we just wait it out and avoid the issue until it naturally ends.  Neither approach to me is wrong… as long as you are not experiencing pain or harm in the process. 

I want to remind you that you are here to be in joy and to love your life, and for you and your friends to be a valuable, expanding, and loving contribution to each other.

I invite you to take the feel good superpower quiz to get a practical way to make sense of relationships that ended… you will feel calmer and have peace of mind… the superpower formula will help remove the worry, anxiety, anger, or concern because you will understand why your relationships get out of alignment in an easy to understand way without over analyzing or complex scientific or psychological approaches.

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Understanding your Relationship Language is the first step to a happy, healthy, and harmonious relationship.

Dr. Dar Hawks. Relationship Coach for Couples

Hello, I'm Dr. Dar

This is my little corner of the internet where I share simple, effective advice to help you have better, stronger, happier relationships.

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Hi, I’m Dr. Dar…

If I could share just one thing with you today, let it be this: you have the power to shape your relationship into what you want it to be.

I am Dar, the Relationship Healer. I help couples to solve the communication and relationship issues that could potentially tear them apart. 

Until I started on the coaching path that led to my formulation of the Relationship Languages, most of the problems in my life had been due to problematic relationships… relationships where I felt unable to communicate, where I was not being heard, where I was not feeling understood. 

I have learned that, to create happy, healthy, and harmonious relationships even when you have differences, you have to learn how to give and receive communication in a healthy way. You have to feel safe expressing how you feel and what you need. 

That’s the beauty of the Relationship Languages. Once understood, they are the key to safe, curious communication. 

I’m here to help you on your journey to understanding and being understood. 

From my heart to yours,
Dr.
Dar

Dr. Dar - The Relationship Healer - The 5 Relationship Languages Quiz
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