Ask Dr. Dar:
“I just got married and am worried it won’t last. What can I do to have a successful, long lasting marriage? Could you share some marriage tips for newlyweds?
10 Must-Know Marriage Tips for Newlyweds
There’s a lot that goes into being married. From planning the perfect wedding to getting used to sharing your lives with another person, there are many things that new couples need to be aware of.
Fortunately, new marriages often have an easier time than couples who have been married for some time. Newlyweds often feel like the world is theirs alone, and with so much attention going toward their marriage, they need to make sure it thrives from day one.
Here are some helpful tips for a successful marriage as a newlywed.
Don’t try to change your partner
Everyone has a different personality, and it’s important to accept that. In the beginning of your relationship, you’ll have some adjusting to do, but don’t let it become an issue. It’s important to realize that not everyone will be a perfect match for you; there are bound to be things in your partner’s personality that you would like them to change or improve on. When in doubt, remember that no one is perfect, and instead of trying to change someone else into this person you want them to be, focus on what makes them special.
Take time for yourself
Marriage is a lot of work. It’s important to take time for yourself and remember that your husband or wife is not your only priority. This doesn’t mean you should stop trying to make your relationship work, but it’s important to make room in your life for other things. Of course, this doesn’t mean that you should stop trying to have fun together. If you’re married, you will be spending a lot of time with one another, so try to make the most of it by having fun with one another and doing activities that are enjoyable.
Be open to trying new things together
Newlyweds need to be open to new things that their partner has suggested. They should also be open to trying new things for the sake of their marriage. Couples that are open to trying new things together tend to be happier and more content with each other. Maintain your own interests, but also participate in each other’s interests too. Find things you enjoy doing together also so you have a blend of things you do on your own, things you share with your spouse, and things you do together that you both enjoy.
Don’t overlook the little things
It’s easy to get caught up in the day-to-day tasks of being married, but it’s important to take time out for the little things. A lot of small moments can make a big difference. For example, on your honeymoon, you might be able to sneak away and find a beach. What if you hadn’t taken that opportunity? You would have missed an important moment with your spouse and may not have learned as much about each other as you did during that brief time together.
Communication is key
Communication is one of the most important things in a marriage. It helps to create balance and understanding between two people who are likely to have different opinions on things. To make sure your marriage is successful, make sure you communicate with your spouse regularly. Additionally, be honest with each other about how you feel. Don’t hold back any feelings or hide them because there will always be times when you need to talk through an issue or when you want to share a thought or feeling with your partner.
Be flexible with your plans
Marriages aren’t perfect, and that means there are going to be times when plans have to change. In particular, a lot of couples struggle when it comes to their new spouse and the expectations they have for the relationship. Most newlyweds need time to adjust their expectations about the relationship, especially if they’ve been married before. Divorce rates are on the rise across all demographics, so it’s important to make sure you’re both setting realistic expectations for your marriage from the beginning.
Set clear expectations
If you’re going to have a successful marriage, you need to set clear expectations from the beginning. Your spouse should know what you expect from each other, and this goes for both of your households as well. If one spouse does not have clear expectations for what is expected in their household, it can cause unnecessary tension. Most of the couples I coach have not made their expectations clear nor have the negotiated mutually acceptable and agreed to decisions. This is a very important step to having a successful relationship that lasts.
Be clear on your expectations
It’s important to make sure you have a clear grasp of what you want out of your marriage. All couples should get on the same page about what they expect and what they don’t. Are you looking for a committed partner? Do you want to spend your lives together? Do you want children? Be honest with each other from the beginning and make sure that both sides are on the same page.
Be open to meeting each other’s needs
Newlyweds are often excited to start their marriage, so they might feel like they should be able to take care of everything on their own. In reality, it’s important that both partners try to meet the other’s needs. It takes time for new couples to figure each other out, and if one partner tries to do everything on his or her own, it can cause more strain than necessary in the relationship. It may also be helpful for your partner to ask you what he or she could do better in order to make you happy. This helps the couple get closer together and bond because it shows that your partner is still open-minded enough to know what he or she is doing wrong.
Set boundaries and stick to them
Setting boundaries is an important way to keep your own sanity as well as to protect your marriage.
For example, some couples who are newlyweds will go on vacations without their significant others. This can be a good idea, but they need to make sure that they set clear boundaries before agreeing to go away. They should decide how long they will be gone and with whom they want to spend the time with.
If one spouse wants to stay home for a week without the other spouse knowing about it, that does not mean that the other partner has agreed or condones it. If both partners agree on all these points, then it’s a good decision and can even open up new opportunities for them.
Another thing newlyweds need to realize is that in some circumstances, things may happen that lead them and their partners down different paths. Sometimes spouses might drift apart, and sometimes one partner might have an affair and their spouses didn’t know about it until it was too late. In these types of situations, regardless of whether or not you were involved in anything outside of your marriage, you must take steps to put things back together again as soon as possible.
In 20+ years of coaching couples, the single most destructive issue is trust or lack of trust. Each person has to work through their own jealousy, distrust, lying, cheating, withholding and avoidance issues. Everyone brings these hidden emotional and mental issues to their relationships at some level based on past relationship struggles that are stored in memory. Those memories can pop up any time in your interactions with each other, triggered by something that felt similar and can cause havoc on your relationship. It takes 2 healthy and happy individuals to create a healthy and happy marriage.
I wish I could say that Love Is Enough to create a healthy, happy, long lasting marriage. The truth is that it is not enough. Self-growth and growing together as a couple is a crucial investment to make in yourself and your relationship. Relationship and life coaching can help you expand and grow individually and as a couple more expeditiously with forward progress than doing it yourself.
When it comes to marriage, there are many things that you need to know before you walk down the aisle. But if you are a newlywed, here are ten of the most important tips to keep in mind when you first start your journey.
1. Don’t try to change your partner.
2. Take time for yourself.
3. Be open to trying new things together.
4. Don’t overlook the little things.
5. Communication is key.
6. Be flexible with your plans.
7. Set clear expectations.
8. Be clear on your expectations.
9. Be open to meeting each other’s needs.
10. Set boundaries and stick to them.
11. Have realistic holiday expectations.
12. Above all, trust yourself, trust your partner, and trust each other. Trust is built on both of you being a healthy, stable, functional person and then creating that in your marriage.
By following these tips, you can have a healthy, successful marriage as a newlywed. All marriages require work, commitment, and patience and just remember that it’s not just about the wedding – it’s about the marriage too.
Take the Relationship Languages Quiz to help you both understand each other, communicate well, and manage conflicts with ease.