Mantra Monday – I am the tool In-Between the Solutions and The Answer

by | Jan 8, 2018 | Relationship Languages | 0 comments

IN-BETWEEN Solutions and the ANSWER

The Relationship Tool

Last week, I was attempting to use 3 different technology tools to create an online course.  I was committed and dedicated to using those tools,
Mantra Monday - I Am The Tool
driven to make them fit and work for my need…because I had already paid for them and invested in them.  I invested time that I cannot get back into making them work…

When in the end, they simply did not work for me, my need, nor for my clients.

My relationship to these tools was my investment of money and time.  I was invested you see.  I had created a long-term committed relationship with these tools because of the time and money invested.  And one of them came highly recommended by someone I respect.  So there became another unconscious relationship between the tool and the person recommending it.

WOW…what the mind does if we allow it  😉

I chose to heed the wall I was feeling, after a hissy fit or two, okay it was more like 5, I took a timeout.

My heart was calling for a different way.

I sat down and wrote out what I did not like about the 3 I had already purchased – the central theme was – They are not easy to use or quick to implement.

Relationship Clue:  For my tech queen business – my clients are new to technology or they dabble in it a bit but would rather not have to deal with it.  I want to create the space and energy for them to do what they do best so that they get their brilliance into the world while also investing wisely in technology.  I believe we can cause ripple effect changes in our world, the more our work and energy gets shared.  If the technology is cumbersome for me to use, someone who has made a 4-decade career out of solving technology problems…then it is not going to be simple for my clients.

Relationship Clue:  For my clients who are single, have got it going on in their job or career, and want to solve being lonely/not having someone to share their lives with, are in-between relationships and wanting to have another… the newest dating site is not the answer.

Relationship Clue:  For my Couples Appraisal clients who are figuring out if this relationship is worth keeping or leaving… the newest book about relationships or the featured speaker at a certain event is not the answer.

You are the ANSWER!  You are the TOOL!

I got this message after pushing to make something work.  It’s not working for a reason and approaching it from a different perspective is where the answer, the solution, the tool resides.

Even though my problem was technology related, how many times have I pushed, prodded, fought, and continued to try to make something work that just was not working?

We do that with ourselves…and the tools we use, in our relationships, in our work… it’s everywhere.

The result of pushing forward for me was:

  • Frustration – I was frustrated that someone as savvy as me could not figure it out.  Being savvy was not the issue – I could figure it out with more time – but I did not have to for the need I had – it was that I needed to implement something quickly and not have to invest weeks into trying to make a tool work.
  • Disappointment – I was disappointed that technology can be so difficult when it does not have to be.  I was disappointed in myself because I could not get past the tech. glitches.
  • The expense of Time and Energy – I spent valuable time and energy when I did not need to – simply because of money and what I had already invested.  How much more did I lose by investing more time into something that was not working?

The Relationship Tool

When you hit a wall with anything in your life, where you feel like you are in the in-between space… take a time-out.

When a conundrum shows up…  Ask yourself ‘Do I need a guide to help me with this?’

If you get a Yes response… Ask yourself ‘Is this Guide me or someone I need to speak with/invest in?”

(If it is you, go do something else for a while and come back to this later)

If you get a No response…  Ask yourself ‘Will I get the answer if I leave this alone for some time?’

If you get a Yes response… Go do something joyful, that is fun and playful.

If you get a No response… Have a conversation with a Guide who can help you navigate this terrain.  You deserve harmony and peace-of-mind with your technology, your relationships, and your life.

By asking yourself questions to cause movement, not struggle or suffering, you will receive answers.  You are the tool through which answers emanate.







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Understanding your Relationship Language is the first step to a happy, healthy, and harmonious relationship.

Dr. Dar Hawks. Relationship Coach for Couples

Hello, I'm Dr. Dar

This is my little corner of the internet where I share simple, effective advice to help you have better, stronger, happier relationships.



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Hi, I’m Dr. Dar…

If I could share just one thing with you today, let it be this: you have the power to shape your relationship into what you want it to be.

I am Dar, the Relationship Healer. I help couples to solve the communication and relationship issues that could potentially tear them apart. 

Until I started on the coaching path that led to my formulation of the Relationship Languages, most of the problems in my life had been due to problematic relationships… relationships where I felt unable to communicate, where I was not being heard, where I was not feeling understood. 

I have learned that, to create happy, healthy, and harmonious relationships even when you have differences, you have to learn how to give and receive communication in a healthy way. You have to feel safe expressing how you feel and what you need. 

That’s the beauty of the Relationship Languages. Once understood, they are the key to safe, curious communication. 

I’m here to help you on your journey to understanding and being understood. 

From my heart to yours,

Dr. Dar - The Relationship Healer - The 5 Relationship Languages Quiz
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