How to Manage Your Energy When You’re Frustrated With Your Partner

by | Apr 17, 2023 | Healthy Relationship Behaviors | 0 comments

Managing Your Energy in Moments of Frustration or Anger with Your Partner

As humans, we’re bound to face moments of frustration or anger with our partners. These moments can lead to arguments making us feel badly about ourselves, and even having doubts about the health or worth of our relationship.

The drive to discuss it in the heat of the moment is so strong that you just cannot leave it alone. Instead you may follow your partner around the house to continue discussing it when they just want a bit of space and quiet, or they do that to you.

But what if there was a way to manage that emotional energy and turn the conversation into a healthy and constructive one?

Managing your energy can help

In situations where you find yourself getting frustrated, even angry with your partner, managing your energy involves consciously working on your emotional state and energy output as opposed to having impulsive and reactive reactions. This approach helps you to respond skillfully by requesting you and your partner take a time out to process your feelings and thoughts instead of discussing things in the heat of the moment. This ultimately benefit you and your partner with positive outcomes, being heard, and getting more of what you want and need.

Here are a few reasons why managing your energy is an essential tool for any relationship:

Creates Self-Awareness – when we manage our energy, we become more aware of our inner state and how it influences our attitude, behavior, and communication.

Models Clean and Curious Communication – Managing our energy helps us express our emotions and expectations of the situation clearly and compassionately, which in turn helps model good communication habits.

Reduces Stress – Reducing our reactive patterns can help reduce tension and stress in conversations, also as fewer arguments lead to a healthier we experience overall.

Strengthens Empathy – By taking the time to note our partner’s needs and their point of view in arguments, we develop a deeper, more meaningful connection with them.

Promotes Constructive Conflict Resolution – When we take the time to manage our energy, we can engage in a conversation that leads to a constructive outcome.

To put these benefits into action, here are some examples of how to manage your energy in moments of frustration or anger with your partner:

Practice adult time outs: Instead of pushing to resolve the conflict in the heat of the moment, take time away from each other. Go do something that will get your mind off the issue.  Distracting your mind is a healthy thing to do in this situation because it gives your mind a break, reduces stress, and can result in insights and solutions you may not have been aware of when heated.

Practice self-awareness: Take a deep breath or two, and check in with what you’re feeling. When we’re in the heat of the moment, stress can often cloud our judgment, so checking in can help realign ourselves with our inner state.

Practice empathy: Prime yourself for listening to your partner’s point of view as opposed to focusing solely on your own. This can help defuse a conversation and lead to a more productive outcome overall.

Take breaks: If things feel too overwhelming during an argument, it’s important to take breaks, cool off, and come back to the discussion when you’re feeling more level-headed.

Use ‘I’ statements – Avoid finger-pointing, bl or accusatory language, it can help steer the conversation away from the blame game and create a more collaborative atmosphere.

Leverage helpful tools: Using mediation apps like ‘Calm’ or practicing mindfulness techniques such as breath work or visualization can help dissipate anger, frustration and focus more on creating inner positivity.

Managing your energy can have profound and far-reaching effects on your relationship as a couple. Through self-awareness, empathy, and use of different tools, partners can break down defensive walls and create space for more meaningful and compassionate communication.

Remember, the goal is not to be perfect but to create an environment of safe, mutual support and growth with your partner.

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Dr. Dar Hawks. Relationship Coach for Couples

Hello, I'm Dr. Dar

This is my little corner of the internet where you get relationship advice to create the happy, healthy relationship you deserve.



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Hi, I’m Dr. Dar…

If I could share just one thing with you today, let it be this: you have the power to shape your relationship into what you want it to be.

I am Dar, the Relationship Healer. I help couples to solve the communication and relationship issues that could potentially tear them apart. 

Until I started on the coaching path that led to my formulation of the Relationship Languages, most of the problems in my life had been due to problematic relationships… relationships where I felt unable to communicate, where I was not being heard, where I was not feeling understood. 

I have learned that, to create happy, healthy, and harmonious relationships even when you have differences, you have to learn how to give and receive communication in a healthy way. You have to feel safe expressing how you feel and what you need. 

That’s the beauty of the Relationship Languages. Once understood, they are the key to safe, curious communication. 

I’m here to help you on your journey to understanding and being understood. 

From my heart to yours,

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