Your Fourth Marriage Does Not
Have to End in Divorce
Your fourth marriage does not have to end in divorce, neither does your 1st, 2nd, or 3rd marriage either.
When people get married for the first time, they often assume that their new spouse will be their last. But that’s not how it always works out. Many couples grow apart over the course of many years and eventually realize that they are better off as friends rather than spouses.
If you are thinking about getting a divorce, it’s natural to wonder if your current marriage is the one that will be your last.
While there is no way to know for sure, there are some warning signs that can help you identify an impending divorce before it happens. Keeping these red flags in mind can help you actively prevent an unhappy ending to your current marriage and preserve the possibility of future partnerships with the right partner.
Red Flag #1: Your Spouse Is Not Happy Unless They Are Lying on Their Back
Spouses who do not feel fulfilled emotionally tend to look elsewhere for fulfillment as a way of coping with unhappiness and loneliness at home, says licensed psychotherapist Dr. Penny Laws of Happify.
Hopeful tips to have a happy marriage
How can you have a happy marriage?
Here are some tips to make your marriage last:
1. Quality of relationship matters more than quantity of time spent together
2. Respect, trust, and understanding are the cornerstones of any happy marriage
3. Keep conversations about your feelings open and honest
4. If you want your spouse to change, try being supportive rather than demanding or critical
Learning what worked and did not work from your past marriages
Your fourth marriage does not have to end in divorce. It’s important to learn what worked and did not work from your past marriages so that you can do better this time around.
This includes identifying the red flags in your current marriage and learning how you can change them, if possible.
As you reflect on your past marriages and what made them last long-term, there are some things you should be aware of.
For example, it is important for people to communicate openly with their spouses but negative feelings still need to be dealt with when they come up.
If a spouse learns that all their spouse wants is sex without emotional engagement or positive interactions, then it may be an indication that the marriage will not last long-term.
Relationship pitfalls you need to be aware of to divorce proof your marriage
If you are struggling with your marriage and considering divorce, it’s important to be aware of the relationship pitfalls that can lead to a growing distance.
For example, if one spouse is constantly working long hours and not spending enough time together, this can lead to feelings of resentment from the other spouse.
Eventually, couples begin to resent the sacrifices they have made for the other partner’s career advancement.
If you find that your spouse is always putting work first and lacking consideration for your needs, consider whether or not they will be able to make a change in their priorities in order to accommodate yours.
If one spouse is always irritable or moody because they are stressed out by their job, know that this type of behavior is not sustainable over time.
It’s worth taking note if your significant other is usually irritable and moody when they come home from work each day.
Communication Traps you need to be aware of to keep your marriage healthy
The first thing you need to keep in mind is that you are not the only one responsible for maintaining the health of your marriage.
Just as you have a responsibility to be aware of your spouse’s needs, they too need to be aware of your own needs. This is true both on a personal level and on a relationship level.
Be aware that there are some communication traps that you can fall into with your spouse if you aren’t careful.
These three communication traps are especially pertinent:
– You stop listening when something doesn’t go as planned
– You minimize your spouse’s feelings
– You don’t let them finish a sentence
The divorce rate for 1st, 2nd, 3rd, and 4th marriages in the United States
Marrying for the first time has a divorce rate of about 50%, and the statistic for second marriages is about 40%. However, when it comes to marital third and fourth marriages, the divorce rate is significantly lower. In fact, the divorce rate is only 15% when both spouses are in their third marriage or later. The research also found that married couples who met in college have a low risk of divorcing, while those who met after high school have a higher risk.
So if your spouse is not happy on their own, they might be better off being single than with you. In fact this can be something that will help improve your relationship as well as help you identify whether it’s worth staying together or not.
Red Flag #2: Your Spouse Is Secretly Happy About Leaving You or Not Being Home With You
Spouses don’t always want to hurt their partner by telling them how unhappy they are because they fear rejection. But lying to yourself and others about how great life is without your partner isn’t sustainable either. That’s why red flags like secret infidelity or just not being interested in your partner anymore are big signs that your marriage may end soon enough
Red Flag #3: You Start Staying Out Late with Friends When Things Get Hard
Spouses often find themselves spending more time with friends outside of their marriage as they get older because they feel uncomfortable with what’s going on at home. Anyone who wants to work on their marriage needs to prioritize spending time together instead of doing things separately, according to
The average age people get divorced in the United States is 45
If you are in your 40s and feel like you’re just not getting the same fulfillment from your spouse that you could get from a new relationship, it might be time to start considering divorce. But before doing anything drastic, it’s important to talk about your marriage with a professional.
Talking with Dr. Dar, the Relationship Healer, can provide you with helpful insight on how to improve your relationship. If you feel like your spouse is unhappy for medical, financial, or not providing for your children, seek help from someone who specializes in family law.
Red Flag #4: They Are Always Miserable
The longer a marriage lasts without an arrest of major crisis, the more likely it is to end without a divorce. So if both spouses are content with life and have no major complaints about each other or their marriage, they’ll likely stay together until either one dies or decides they want out.
How is the divorce rate measured
In the United States, the divorce rate is measured based on the number of divorces that are reported to the federal government. More than half of all marriages in the United States will end in divorce. In 2013, the total number of divorces was 3.2 million and that’s an increase from previous years.
Red Flag #5: Your Spouse Does Not Care About You When it Comes to Planning Ahead
Whether you’re married or single, you deserve a partner who takes care of your emotional and material needs without feeling as though they have to go out of their way for you. If your spouse does not take time for you or does not plan for your future with thoughtful consideration, this could be a clue that they are not interested in being in a long-term relationship with you anymore.
10 reasons you got divorced
Many people get divorced because they grew apart over the years. They might have had different interests, values, and life goals. They might have tried to stay together but it didn’t work out. If you are thinking about getting a divorce, make sure you take a step back and think about what happened in your last relationship that led to the decision to split up.
1) Your partner isn’t sharing their feelings with you. This can be a sign of trust issues.
2) You feel like your partner is hiding something (like cheating, overspending on porn, going to strip clubs, etc.).
3) You feel like your partner won’t commit or share themselves fully with you.
4) Your partner doesn’t listen to you anymore.
5) Your partner has changed their mind about certain things in the past month that used to be important to them before this change
6) Your partner is not communicating well
7) Your partner has given up on their dreams
8) You’re not happy anymore
9) You’re unhappy as a couple
10) You want kids/family and they don’t Or you think having another child will fix all the problems you both have
8 ways to divorce proof your marriage
1. Be open and honest with your spouse
2. Schedule time for one-on-one time
3. Cultivate meaningful conversations
4. Have a healthy sex life
5. Have a positive outlook about yourself, your spouse, your life, and your marriage
6. Learn your communication and relationship language preferences by taking The Relationship Languages Quiz
7. Learn your likes and dislikes, along with theirs, and negotiate your differences
8. Hire a marriage coach to help you learn relationship, communication, marriage building, and negotiating differences skills