Better than Pining for Your Past

by | Jan 9, 2019 | Relationship Languages | 0 comments

Wishing Things Would Go Back to the Way They Were?

I inite you to stop pining for your past

The Past Is Important… But…

Not In The Way You are Conditioned To Think About It


Inhale Exhale Past Unsplash

I do not think exhaling or pining for your past is healthy

I do think leveraging what we know about the past is healthy

What I mean by leveraging the past..

It is the first week in a new year and thoughts about our past year  or thoughts about saying goodbye and ending the past year are stronger than ever…

I, too, found myself elated that the year was over and that I could begin a new year, a new chapter, and a new outlook on my life, relationships, work, and business.

Then I did not… here’s why…

I experienced a shift on New Year’s Eve. 

The Shift

I found myself missing some people and experiences… pining for the past.

I found myself missing my house and city I am in the process of moving away from. 

I found myself missing some people at my old place of work.

I found myself missing things that ultimately were unhealthy for me… I just had been immersed in those experiences for a very, very, long time. Of course, I knew at a deep level that going back to the way things were… was an illusion… going back based on a picture or memory in my head… would not result in me having the exact same experience… because I had already experienced that past, I had already learned from it, and the things I was recalling were snippets of the good feeling stuff.

Then… I felt a shift.

It was not that I was missing those things… it just felt like missing or loss or pining… 

It was that certain aspects of those things… I wanted to create anew in my life going forward.  

I realized that when I am missing things or people… or I am wishing I could go back…

I was not really missing or wishing them back…

It is that I want to create and design aspects of those things in my life now and going forward.


My past experiences gave me knowledge and information to design and create the new in my life… leaving out the things that did not serve me, others, or my life in the highest and best ways… and adding the things that did serve me, others, and my life in the highest and best ways for all.

This was a powerful shift for me… it is so subtle… because we have been programmed to miss things that feel oooh so good… and sweep the not good stuff under the rug because… there was that good thing or time… and then feel guilt or remorse…

I invite you to make this subtle shift.  Use the power, knowledge, and information from your past… bring what serves you and will result in creating the live you desire… into the present and future… 

There’s magic awaiting you in Creating and Designing Your Life and Relationship.

From my heart to yours,
Dr. Dar

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Dr. Dar Hawks. Relationship Coach for Couples

Hello, I'm Dr. Dar

This is my little corner of the internet where I share simple, effective advice to help you have better, stronger, happier relationships.



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Hi, I’m Dr. Dar…

If I could share just one thing with you today, let it be this: you have the power to shape your relationship into what you want it to be.

I am Dar, the Relationship Healer. I help couples to solve the communication and relationship issues that could potentially tear them apart. 

Until I started on the coaching path that led to my formulation of the Relationship Languages, most of the problems in my life had been due to problematic relationships… relationships where I felt unable to communicate, where I was not being heard, where I was not feeling understood. 

I have learned that, to create happy, healthy, and harmonious relationships even when you have differences, you have to learn how to give and receive communication in a healthy way. You have to feel safe expressing how you feel and what you need. 

That’s the beauty of the Relationship Languages. Once understood, they are the key to safe, curious communication. 

I’m here to help you on your journey to understanding and being understood. 

From my heart to yours,

Dr. Dar - The Relationship Healer - The 5 Relationship Languages Quiz
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