They Said I was Flaky and Wishy Washy and I Thanked Them

by | Nov 30, 2018 | Relationship Languages | 2 comments

Being Wishy Washy or Flaky is a Gift

Wishy Washy Woman Cannot Choose

I know, I know… this feels wrong, uncomfortable, and against everything you’ve been taught and told. 

Here is a tip:  

When someone says you are wishy washy or flaky, say Thank You. It’s my process for making the best choices in my life.

It has taken me years 

To see and own what I am really good at and it has taken me even longer to stop focusing on and working on what I am not good at… (yes, having that at at the end of that sentence is bothering me grammatically… but let’s roll with it, can we?!)

I think that being wishy washy or flaky

Is our mental, emotional and spiritual process to work through things in our lives.  We just are not in a space to land solidly on one thing… so… when asked to answer something or when trying to communicate… a lot of words come out of our mouths with no clear direction, decision, or answer.  Other people who are unlike us may get frustrated, angry, disappointed or some other emotion when they experience this… and others may give you their opinions or judgments on what you should do…

I have morphed hundreds of times in my business, my relationships, and my quest to be my best feel good self every day is never ending. That can result in me showing up as confused, wishy washy, flaky, indecisive, and unstable.  Yep, I’ve been told all of those things.  Sure, it hurt at first… a lot.  But then… I realized this is how I process things and how I land on the ground.  And, it no longer confuses people in my life.  They know I am a go with the flow, live in the moment gal that’s all about being a catalyst for change and transformation… so if I am not doing that in my own life… how can I possibly guide my clients in theirs?…  

It is okay

for you to pivot as you experiment and experience life… just inform the people in your life so they are aware you are in your pivoting, cyphering it out process.

IT IS OK!  I invite you to:

  • Honor your process. Own It.
  • Share with someone who understands and can help you sort through it with ease and joy in a shorter amount of time, and who can help you sort through what to say and how.  
  • Communicate when you feel more solid and grounded in your answer, choices, or options.

When I am unable to make a decision or find myself in a mind-heart muddle it usually means one of these things:

  • It really does not matter to me
  • I need time to process it all
  • I really just don’t want to talk about it at all (Note: this means I got triggered and it’s a place to revisit when I am no longer feeling triggered)
  • I have to just talk it out and have someone be present and just listen
  • I want coaching to navigate the situation so that I don’t feel stressed

Bonus: What to say instead of I don’t know or a shoulder shrug or avoiding it:

  • It really does not matter to me, so you choose
  • I just need time to process it all, I’ll get back to you in a day/week
  • Take quiet time for yourself and trust your answer will come from your higher self
  • I am not in a good place right now.  I need time to myself and I am going to process silently about this for a while
  • I am going to call my life coach to help me sort through this so I can be clearer and give you an answer
  • Would you just listen as I share because I need to talk this out, when I am done I will have either resolved it or will ask you to help me.  Ready to listen?

What NOT to do:

  • Connect with to many people, online or offline, for their opinions about you and your life
  • Keep trying to force an answer or decision
  • Get anxious or nervous about a decision – focus on things that bring you joy instead and your body and mind will provide a solution or answer to your question or concern in time
  • Take the Feel Good Energy Quiz – it will help you align your energy, give you peace-of-mind, and create calm as you invite the answers into your awareness by knowing what your superpower energy to connect with for making choices in your life and work.

I hope this is helpful to you.  Share your comment below to let me know if you have any questions or how this was helpful to you.

With Love,
Dr. Dar

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Understanding your Relationship Language is the first step to a happy, healthy, and harmonious relationship.

Dr. Dar Hawks. Relationship Coach for Couples

Hello, I'm Dr. Dar

This is my little corner of the internet where I share simple, effective advice to help you have better, stronger, happier relationships.



  1. brenda

    You covered it all here. I relate to all of it. Thank you for telling “my story” and creating space for me to allow my process.

    • Darshana Hawks

      You are most welcome. It is important to honor our own decision making processes – and taking the time we need to process them.


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Hi, I’m Dr. Dar…

If I could share just one thing with you today, let it be this: you have the power to shape your relationship into what you want it to be.

I am Dar, the Relationship Healer. I help couples to solve the communication and relationship issues that could potentially tear them apart. 

Until I started on the coaching path that led to my formulation of the Relationship Languages, most of the problems in my life had been due to problematic relationships… relationships where I felt unable to communicate, where I was not being heard, where I was not feeling understood. 

I have learned that, to create happy, healthy, and harmonious relationships even when you have differences, you have to learn how to give and receive communication in a healthy way. You have to feel safe expressing how you feel and what you need. 

That’s the beauty of the Relationship Languages. Once understood, they are the key to safe, curious communication. 

I’m here to help you on your journey to understanding and being understood. 

From my heart to yours,

Dr. Dar - The Relationship Healer - The 5 Relationship Languages Quiz
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