Being a People Pleaser is not wrong or bad

by | Feb 3, 2021 | Relationship Languages | 0 comments

Being a People Pleaser is not Wrong or Bad

Googling the words people pleaser was disheartening. My heart sunk by seeing so much negativity being propagated by well meaning individuals.  Sure I understand it’s a way to understand ourselves and why we’re taken advantage of or exploited. 

But my gosh, does every post have to be about ‘stop being a people pleaser’? Come on… let’s shift this narrative.

There are many of us who are healthy functioning humans who love giving and helping others.  We’re not completely downtrodden by everyone in our life.  We have some feel good relationships and may have a few that are in need of letting go of or a relationship reset.

Being a people pleaser is not wrong.  Being a people pleaser to the wrong people is wrong.

Being a people pleaser is not wrong or a bad thing.  I am exhausted from hearing, reading, and seeing all the negativity launched at people pleasers.  Let’s focus our attention and energy on helping and healing the takers, narcissists, manipulators, liars, and cheats… instead of giving them a pass… alas I am starting a rant here.

I invite you to stop feeling bad about wanting others to be happy or wanting to have a feel good happy world… or even about being a people pleaser.  Shaming you or blaming you for being a people pleaser and someone who is too nice, too kind, a pushover, or worse creates unnecessary mental and emotional trauma.  The only things that we as people pleasers need to add to our skill set is self-care, self-nurture, and no longer seeing the potential in others who are incapable of giving anything back to us… stop giving to complete takers. 

And let’s be honest, we can’t completely change our nature and love of giving to others but we can add in receiving so that we are given to as well…. We can promote ourselves to being a giver and receiver, in a balanced dance of harmony!

There is no need to label ourselves as a recovered or recovering people pleaser.  It simply does not serve your highest good.  It makes you and all other people pleasers wrong for being who they are… instead of being who they are with the wrong people for them.

Try focusing on the good things about being a people pleaser, find people who appreciate you, and the only thing to stop is repeatedly going to people and relationships that are incapable of reciprocity.

My approach to working with People Pleasers honors them and their skills… and creates strategies on ways to interact with and give to people who are not.  I am tired of being made wrong and being criticized for being a people pleaser.    

People pleaser is another label that indicates something is or was wrong with us.  Words matter.  Words have meaning.  Words have energy.  Words harm, heal, or inspire.  Words live a long life.

If more people have these qualities… that People Pleasers naturally have, I feel the world at home and work would be more harmonious and we’d be solving all the world’s problems… collaboratively.

The events of the last four years in the United States have confirmed that we need more of these people pleasing qualities in the world… because we have seen what squashing them away, dismissing them, or making those of us who have them change to fit the conformed norms in organizations has done.  It took at least three generations to realize the damage.  

I invite you to honor your people pleasing skills and be more selective by choosing people who are deserving of receiving them… those who nurture and support you in reciprocity. 

Listen to my podcast about the 9 ways you’ve been trained to be a People Pleaser,
learn how the term people pleaser was created, and realize that being a people pleaser is not wrong

Click the play button to listen to the podcast.

Be sure to scroll down this page so you don’t miss the video and free offers.

Listen to “Ep. 23 9 Ways You’ve Been Trained to Be a People Pleaser + Origination of the Term” on Spreaker.

Being A People Pleaser Is Not Wrong - Dr. Dar Hawks

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Dr. Dar Hawks. Relationship Coach for Couples

Hello, I'm Dr. Dar

This is my little corner of the internet where I share simple, effective advice to help you have better, stronger, happier relationships.



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Hi, I’m Dr. Dar…

If I could share just one thing with you today, let it be this: you have the power to shape your relationship into what you want it to be.

I am Dar, the Relationship Healer. I help couples to solve the communication and relationship issues that could potentially tear them apart. 

Until I started on the coaching path that led to my formulation of the Relationship Languages, most of the problems in my life had been due to problematic relationships… relationships where I felt unable to communicate, where I was not being heard, where I was not feeling understood. 

I have learned that, to create happy, healthy, and harmonious relationships even when you have differences, you have to learn how to give and receive communication in a healthy way. You have to feel safe expressing how you feel and what you need. 

That’s the beauty of the Relationship Languages. Once understood, they are the key to safe, curious communication. 

I’m here to help you on your journey to understanding and being understood. 

From my heart to yours,

Dr. Dar - The Relationship Healer - The 5 Relationship Languages Quiz
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