14 Signs Your Relationship is Unhealthy (and needs Relationship Coaching)

by | Sep 14, 2023 | Healthy Relationship Behaviors, Healthy Relationship Mindsets | 0 comments

14 Signs Your Relationship is Unhealthy and It’s Time for Professional Relationship Coaching Support

As nurturing, loving and giving women, we just want a healthy and loving relationship, but sometimes, it’s hard to accept or even admit that our relationship with our partner is in trouble.  We often think it will just get better if we give it more time, or if we do more for our partners, or we just accept that this is the best it will be.

Our relationships are incredibly important to us.

So, we feel embarrassed or even ashamed that our relationship is in shambles, that we did not see the problems earlier, that we cannot make things better, that it’s our fault, or that it’s just in our head.  It is hard to bring yourself to see much less admit the signs your relationship is unhealthy.

It may seem like there is no way out, but if one or more people in the relationship are exhibiting any of these unhealthy behaviors, it’s a sign your relationship is unhealthy.

And it is time to get relationship help and support to see if the relationship can be saved in a healthy way or if it’s best to just end things instead of continually trying to mend things by yourself.  Plus, having a healthy relationships coach and guide to help you sort your thoughts and feelings out will bring you some peace of mind and clarity.

🚨 14 Signs Your Relationship is Unhealthy 🚨

I’ve listed these 14 signs a relationship is unhealthy to help you pinpoint the unhealthy issue(s) in your relationship so that you can make the decision to get professional support:

(The 1st of the 14 signs your relationship is unhealthy is the most urgent and requires your immediate action.  The other signs your relationship is unhealthy are not listed in any particular order of urgency or priority)

1) Abuse: Physical, emotional or verbal abuse is never acceptable regardless of whether or not it’s extreme is the most physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually damaging out of all the signs your relationship is unhealthy. If you are being subjected to any type of abuse in the relationship, it’s important that you get support immediately.  If you feel unsafe, threatened, or afraid, it’s beyond time to find a safe way out immediately. The National Domestic Violence Hotline 1−800−799−SAFE(7233) is available 24/7 for confidential advice and resources.

2) Neglect: Your partner regularly doesn’t give you the attention, support or care that you need, or they are severely neglecting their own needs is one of the signs your relationship is unhealthy that gets swept under the rug, ignored, or explained away by some excuse like they are too busy, or their work is too demanding.

3) Toxic behaviors: This includes any type of negativity couched as a joke, sarcasm, belittling, controlling, bribing, blaming, yelling or other manipulative behaviors from your partner that make you feel uncomfortable, upset, threatened, or unsafe.

These behaviors are not just limited to your partner, but also to your in-laws, friends, and family members. If your partner tries to manipulate you or control your behavior, this is a red flag that the relationship is not healthy and it’s time to get professional help.

4) Unresolved issues: If it seems like there are certain issues that neither of you have been able to resolve, or that get better for a little while and then go back to being bad again… it’s time for relationship coaching where you will get actionable, practical steps to take to resolve the issues.

5) Unresolved or unhealthy conflict: You’re bickering more often, irritated with each other, or you cannot communicate with each other without conflict,  a healthy relationships coach can help you defuse the conflict, and teach you both healthy communication skills and techniques. If your partner can’t manage healthy conflict, or if they are unwilling to resolve issues in a respectful manner, you can and should work on learning these skills yourself.  Then you can see if your use of those skills is helping your relationship or not.

6) Lack of trust: Trust is an essential component of any healthy relationship. Without it, relationships start exhibiting one or more of the signs listed here.  Trust can be rebuilt over time, but it takes discipline,  and consistency with new healthy relationship behaviors you’ve learned from your relationship coach.

7) Gaslighting: Gaslighting refers to the insidious behavior of a partner who attempts to undermine your perception of reality and discredit your experiences. This is often achieved by unjustly blaming you for events that never occurred or distorting the truth.  It does not take long before you question yourself, doubt yourself, and feel less confident about yourself and your relationship.

8) Disrespect:  If you feel your partner demeans you in public or private, your feelings are ignored or dismissed, ignores your boundaries, or exhibits any of these other signs, then you are being disrespected.  Disrespect is most damaging to a relationship and you as a person.

Restoring respect for yourself and your relationship is possible with assertiveness and standing up for yourself skills you can learn from your relationship coach.

Some signs of disrespect include: your feelings are ignored or get hurt frequently, your partner does not take care of your belongings, your partner talks about you negatively behind your back or in front of you, your partner’s family does not treat you well, or you try very hard to meet your partner’s needs or make them happy.

9) Lack of compromise: Both partners should be willing to come together and work through conflicts or disagreements without one partner always dominating the conversation or getting their way and only their way. You find yourself bending over, sacrificing your own needs or yourself, for the betterment of your partner instead of finding common ground with your partner to avoid conflict or being overruled.

10) Betrayal: Being betrayed by your partner is a heartbreaking and painful experience that dramatically destroys trust instantaneously. It takes time, consistent new and healthy behaviors, and support to heal. Betrayal can take many forms such as emotional. mental, or sexual cheating, lying, hiding things, snooping, or even avoiding each other.  If betrayal has occurred in the relationship, it’s important to get professional support as soon as possible before deeper emotional wounds and trauma take root.

11) Loss or lack of emotional support and connection: When a relationship isn’t fulfilling anymore and the connection between each other is non-existent for even a few months, it’s past time to reassess your relationship and see if you both can address and fulfill each other’s needs or not.

12) Unhappiness: If your relationship isn’t contributing to your happiness anymore, and it’s causing stress, or conflict, then it’s high time to figure out what happiness means to you, and to start working on your own joy first, and then figuring out what it will take for the relationship to be complimentary to your joy.

Being in a relationship should be a  contribution of joy, not suffering.  It is not your partner’s responsibility to make you happy, they can contribute to your joy, but it’s not their accountability.  Having said that it is their responsibility as well as yours to not do or say things that create unhappiness.  Restoring or creating happiness is easier than you think because it is one thing you have complete control and choice over.

13)  Unmet needs: You repeatedly have asked your partner to help meet your needs that you cannot fulfill on your own, but they are not responding to or supporting you..  It’s not your partner’s full and complete responsibility to meet your needs.  Only you can do that, but it is their responsibility to participate, support, and contribute to helping you meet your needs.

14) Compromising or even sacrificing yourself: If you are giving up parts of yourself or your values to keep the peace, or you consistently put your needs and wants on the shelf to give focus on your partner’s wants and needs, this is a sign the relationship is out of balance and in need of professional relationship advice and help.

Acknowledging and Accepting the Signs Your Relationship is Unhealthy

If any of these signs  your relationship is unhealthy feel or sound familiar to you, it’s time to take a step back, assess your relationship, and take action to create a healthy relationship going forward with the help of your relationship coach by starting to understand, heal, and transform your relationship mindset and behaviors.  Becoming a healthy person and partner is the first step you can take that is in your full control.

It is important to learn healthy relationship mindsets, skills, and behaviors and to stop the unhealthy ones you may not even be aware you’re doing.

When you do your own inner work to heal, the relationship will transform as well.  By healing yourself, your partner may notice and start their own healing process. I have seen this happen time and time again when I work with one partner in the relationship.

Remember that relationships are supposed to contribute joy and peace into your life, not pain and suffering. You deserve love and respect from your partner.

Take the time to find balance in your life and focus on healing while you are either in this relationship, leave this relationship, and well before you dive into another relationship.  I am here for you so please schedule a free chat with me and let’s see if I am a fit for you as your relationship coach – no strings attached.


If after recognizing some of these signs in your relationship, you’re still not ready to work with a relationship coach and you would like to do some self-healing, consider getting the Better Relationships Toolkit. Visit 🔗 https:/💖

P.S.  When you are ready to hire a relationship coach, please ask about their relationship history and current status.  It’s important to hire and surround yourself with people who are where you aspire to be.  It’s the difference and preference of working with a relationship coach who is single with five divorces versus one who has a long-term healthy relationship to help you create a healthy, happy, relationship for yourself.

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Understanding your Relationship Language is the first step to create the happy, healthy, and harmonious relationship you deserve.

Dr. Dar Hawks. Relationship Coach for Couples

Hello, I'm Dr. Dar

This is my little corner of the internet where you get relationship advice to create the happy, healthy relationship you deserve.



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Hi, I’m Dr. Dar…

If I could share just one thing with you today, let it be this: you have the power to shape your relationship into what you want it to be.

I am Dar, the Relationship Healer. I help couples to solve the communication and relationship issues that could potentially tear them apart. 

Until I started on the coaching path that led to my formulation of the Relationship Languages, most of the problems in my life had been due to problematic relationships… relationships where I felt unable to communicate, where I was not being heard, where I was not feeling understood. 

I have learned that, to create happy, healthy, and harmonious relationships even when you have differences, you have to learn how to give and receive communication in a healthy way. You have to feel safe expressing how you feel and what you need. 

That’s the beauty of the Relationship Languages. Once understood, they are the key to safe, curious communication. 

I’m here to help you on your journey to understanding and being understood. 

From my heart to yours,

Dr. Dar - The Relationship Healer - The 5 Relationship Languages Quiz
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